losing a pet

A quick warning before reading this post: it contains mentions of animal death. If this is something that upsets you, I recommend treading lightly or skipping this post altogether.

I have grown up surrounded from dogs. When I was born, I was born into a home with people who adored, cared for, and lived alongside dogs.. My household dog count has never fallen below two for as long as I can remember.

I am also an incredibly emotional person. Now, that might be my cross to bear, or it might just be a symptom of being a teenager. I don't know right now, and I'll either figure it out eventually or it'll be a mystery forever.
I only mention those two facts about me in that order because today we let my oldest dog, Sarge, go. He was twelve years old when he was diagnosed with Osteosarcoma in July, and he had had arthritis for a long time beforehand. For as long as I can remember, he was a stubborn, silly, goofy, ornery, loving asshole of a dog. He got into more fights than the rest of our dogs - probably because he started most of them.

His cancer only got worse after his diagnosis as the mass on the back of his back leg kept growing. It made it harder for him to walk around and he became restless, trying to walk around even when the cancer refused to let him.

As he adapted to his struggles, I struggled with his inevitable loss. I choked back tears whenever I saw him struggling to climb up the stairs. I even had a dream involving St. Francis of Assisi appearing to me and my causing Sarge to be Thanos-snapped out of existence. That dream made me stubbornly believe that his time would come within the next few days - but, since that was at the end of August, I would say my premonition was incorrect.

I loved that dog. I loved him so, so much. Using the past tense in reference to him doesn't feel right - I still love him. We all did, and do love Sarge.

I don't have much more to say past that. I just urge all of you reading this to love your dogs while you have them. They might be complete assholes, but appreciate them for what they are - a life, a roommate, a best friend. Take every single second you have with them as a blessing, and occasionally just spend some time brushing their fur and spending simple time with them. They'll appreciate it.

x

sixteenth birthday reflections

Guess what - it's official! I'm sixteen years old. A lot has happened this past year - some good, and some bad. Heartbreaks and friendship failures were bountiful, but so were successes and victory.

The first memorable thing I can remember post-turning fifteen was my girlfriend of 3 months breaking up with me. I struggled with this for a long time - maybe it was just a symptom of running too quickly, headfirst, into young love, or maybe it was how sudden it was. But from that, I learned this - there are always people who love you. It might not be romantic love, but it is still love. During my time at Notre Dame Vision, a Catholic youth conference, I learned that the act of loving another person is to wish good will upon them. If you use that definition of love, a lot of people love you and you love a lot of people.

I also learned, this year, that any relationship can be salvaged. Even if it's your fault that a friendship fell apart because of something you said because you were feeling something at that moment - just apologize. It might not completely resurrect a relationship, because you still said and did those things in the moment, but it shows the other person that you're putting forth the effort. Don't expect forgiveness, but also don't take it for granted.

A great thing that happened this year was that I joined an ever-growing friend group that I love and adore. They are the funniest, most talented and supportive group of people I know and I am grateful for them every single day.

I also made it into Symphonic Orchestra! For those who don't know, symphonic is the "advanced" group between the concert and symphonic orchestras at my school, and it takes an audition to get in. It's definitely a challenge for me, which is a good thing for sure! I also got a 2 in my solo for district festival, which is on a scale with 1 being the best you can do and I think 4 is the worst. Playing the violin is one of my passions that I hope to carry long into my future.

I have also grown in my faith quite a lot. I have learned to trust in God's plan for me, and to try to see Him in others - both in their actions and their words. I have learned to take the bad things that happen in my life as lessons, not as punishments. Instead of, "this happened because I did something bad", I try to see it as "this happened because I needed to learn ___".

That way of thinking doesn't help for every single thing. Sometimes things just happen because people are assholes and shit just happens. But for the things that can fit under that way of thinking, it helps a lot.